dear god,

well another day has gone by and im still missing my son kyle he lives with his grandmother in florida she is the best grandmother a kid could ask for she takes great care of him for a while i did not know where my son was his father and i split up in 98 and he took kyle and ran so i have not seen my son since he was one i have just started contact with him over the LAST YEAR and its wonderful could not be happier with it or him but i feel like a crappy mom i have four beautiful children that i rase everyday so i dont ave much time for kyle when he calls sometimes i miss the calls and i know he needs to talk to me but i dot always have time to call him back and that makes me feel even worse i love my son and miss him so much bt how can i be a mom from de when hes in florida yes i know thats an exscuse right no wrong even when i do talk to my son on the phone its more like yes mom no mm because he dont know me anymore n yes i no by talking to him i can change that but what if i say something wrong or what if i dont say what he wants to hear than i end up hurting him and hes been through enough in his life that i would never want to do that to him and now his father is very sick and has to have a triple bypass surgery and kyle needs me more than ever and i should be ther in florida for him but cant eave my children here im so confused if i go to kyle than i hurt gary who is my husband but if i stay with gary than i hurt kyle and keith who is his father and the owner of my heart what am i sopposed to do god !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u r sopposed to have all the answers but i have not heard u or felt u in my life in so long im goig throgh therepy with a familey counser to try to help me figure ths out but god i could really use ur guidance now! i love kyle so uch and he needs his mother and so do the children i have now im afraid that if im not good enough with my time or calls im gonna lose kyle again and that would hurt more than life what am i sopposed to do ????????