todays thought

well it seems like no matter what i say or do i cant please everybody n I'm getting really tired of trying to when i never take the time to please myself I'm so lost out here in Delaware everyone i know n love is in jersey all my friends all my family what am i doing here I'm in a loveless marriage my children r my only source of happiness why do i bother n e more the answer is my kids if i could only get back to jersey than maybe ill find my true happiness i get up everyday thinking maybe today ill have a Lil sunshine in my life n most days i don't find it until my kids get off the bus n i c their happy faces cuz they cant wait to c me n show me what they did that day sometimes I'm so down n all i wanna do is cry but then i have this friend who is in jersey n when ever i am feeling bad they always can make me smile even when he may have worse things going on in their life they take the time out of their misery too make me smile i couldn't ask for a better friend than them n they know who they r well i just wanna say thanks to u n thanks for always being there n i don't know why i don't take Ur advice n get over my fear n just leave n come to jersey i don't know what is holding me here nothing but my fear well ill chat tomorrow

dear god,

well another day has gone by and im still missing my son kyle he lives with his grandmother in florida she is the best grandmother a kid could ask for she takes great care of him for a while i did not know where my son was his father and i split up in 98 and he took kyle and ran so i have not seen my son since he was one i have just started contact with him over the LAST YEAR and its wonderful could not be happier with it or him but i feel like a crappy mom i have four beautiful children that i rase everyday so i dont ave much time for kyle when he calls sometimes i miss the calls and i know he needs to talk to me but i dot always have time to call him back and that makes me feel even worse i love my son and miss him so much bt how can i be a mom from de when hes in florida yes i know thats an exscuse right no wrong even when i do talk to my son on the phone its more like yes mom no mm because he dont know me anymore n yes i no by talking to him i can change that but what if i say something wrong or what if i dont say what he wants to hear than i end up hurting him and hes been through enough in his life that i would never want to do that to him and now his father is very sick and has to have a triple bypass surgery and kyle needs me more than ever and i should be ther in florida for him but cant eave my children here im so confused if i go to kyle than i hurt gary who is my husband but if i stay with gary than i hurt kyle and keith who is his father and the owner of my heart what am i sopposed to do god !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u r sopposed to have all the answers but i have not heard u or felt u in my life in so long im goig throgh therepy with a familey counser to try to help me figure ths out but god i could really use ur guidance now! i love kyle so uch and he needs his mother and so do the children i have now im afraid that if im not good enough with my time or calls im gonna lose kyle again and that would hurt more than life what am i sopposed to do ????????